I was in a massive funk today – and not in a “Get on down! James Brown!” kinda way.
I’m not sure why. It definitely wasn’t due to lack of sleep – I went to bed relatively early and accidentally slept two hours past my alarm.
(Yes, yes, I know a lot of people would kill for an extra long Monday morning sleep in, but when you work for yourself and getting out of bed is optional, it’s a blessing AND a curse.)
But I woke up and thought “Oh no! I’ve lost half my morning!” so instead of my morning walk, I jumped straight into the shower, ate a quick breakfast and headed off to my usual café to get writing.
But as I sat there, I couldn’t bring my brain to work. It was in a fuzz, and the coffee wasn’t helping. I went home, feeling overwhelmed and undermotivated (a word I just made up. I think it works.)
And that’s how I stayed the rest of the day. Aaron tried his best to cheer me up, but still I found myself going on about how I’m fully aware of the reasons behind my procrastination, how I still have self doubts and how I need to back myself more and so on…writing this now, I realize how dumb I must have sounded, ranting on about what I already know and doing the very same shit I teach others not to do. Argghh!
It was so weird. Frankly, I rarely have ‘bad days’, which I am incredibly grateful for. But it also means that I put so much pressure on myself to be ‘on’ and ‘productive’ that when I am feeling off, I find it really difficult to accept. And so I continue to battle towards my normal level of productivity, instead of embracing the struggle and doing something else.
Anyway, as the early evening came around, I pulled myself together and dragged my sorry ass to Toastmasters.
And you know what? As soon my fellow Toastmasters came in and we started to chat, I forgot about everything else. There was great energy in the room, and as an extrovert, I absorbed that good energy like a ultra soft Huggies pull-up.
By the end of the meeting, I was feeling back to my normal self. And as soon as I jumped on the tram, I pulled out my laptop and have been typing furiously ever since.
I’m not sure what the point of this post is. But it’s what I felt compelled to share today. I guess I did learn a few lessons:
- Be grateful for your ‘off’ days — they remind you of your good days
- Embrace the struggle — acknowledge it, accept that it happens to everyone, and know that it will end
- If you want to change your emotional state, change your environment. Get out of the house, surround yourself with good people etc.
- Changing your state can be as simple as…that. It can happen in a single instant :)
Thanks for reading! I’ll see you tomorrow for Day 20.